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:iconsetmyworldintomotion: More from setmyworldintomotion


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Submitted on
October 6, 2013
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it's barely summer
but i've forgotten how to breathe;
i fall in love with strangers
before they even speak.

it's like i'm
entangled
within the pulsating crowd
like a fly trapped in a spider's web;
questions are spun
all around.
inferiority screams in my ear
& consumes all thoughts
until i can't hear
all the questions that are caught
between threads of my insecurities,
weaving around
& around
the fabric of my being -
tightening its grip
with everyone seeing
me
choking.

it's barely summer
but i can feel
winter's chill:
each pump of my left ventricle
is an exertion against will,
& leaves me cripple
& frozen, still -
but feeling like i could run
before you could catch me.
i watch the moon
trade places with the sun,
racing against time,
but my day
has still not yet
begun.
should be read out loud for full impact.
anxiety & depression. was this obvious?

for ~tubefed's competition.
prompt was "it's barely summer / but i've forgotten how to breathe". not sure why i took quite an uncalled for approach.
i am exhausted.

full title: things i didn't tell my therapist: my body's slave is my mind.
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:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 12, 2014   Writer
You pretty much write my feelings, I've found. Hello similar soul, how are you today? Funny enough, I feel like my body is my mind's slave instead. But my mind is always doing silly things without my permission, so.
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:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
ahh, i was actually tossing up between "my body's slave is my mind" & "my mind's slave is my body" & only went with the former because i thought it kind of described the poem/anxiety/depression better, but i dunno. you make a very good point; i completely understand.
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:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 18, 2014   Writer
I agree with your choice. It makes the sentiment clearer in terms of the verbiage. And I agree that it encapsulates that feeling more too. Either would have worked fine but for this poem I think what you chose was better. I was just commenting with that because I have issues haha.
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:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
haha i appreciate the comment!
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:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 21, 2014   Writer
Of course!
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014
I'm generally not a fan of rhyming, but I love the way you handled it. It's not juvenile or in-your-face, it's subtle, yet very evident. I also really like your line breaks, where you placed them, and the images are absolutely superb. Lovely poem. :heart:  
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:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thank you very much. :heart::heart::heart:
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:iconianderickson:
ianderickson Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like your poetry voice.   Keep it up!
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:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
thanks. :)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This really was quite an amazing read. I personally like meter over free verse (if handled properly which is very rare) but at times if the emotions and other techniques of poetry are apparent, I enjoy a lot! There was a lot of alliteration and the flow was good - the starting stanza was the best portion:

" i fall in love with strangers
before they even speak."

The ending stanza felt comparatively weak but the last two lines were good enough :)

And anxiety and confusion are more of the words that I would say were obvious... An over all amazing work!
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