Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
it's barely summer
but i've forgotten how to breathe;
i fall in love with strangers
before they even speak.

it's like i'm
entangled
within the pulsating crowd
like a fly trapped in a spider's web;
questions are spun
all around.
inferiority screams in my ear
& consumes all thoughts
until i can't hear
all the questions that are caught
between threads of my insecurities,
weaving around
& around
the fabric of my being -
tightening its grip
with everyone seeing
me
choking.

it's barely summer
but i can feel
winter's chill:
each pump of my left ventricle
is an exertion against will,
& leaves me cripple
& frozen, still -
but feeling like i could run
before you could catch me.
i watch the moon
trade places with the sun,
racing against time,
but my day
has still not yet
begun.
should be read out loud for full impact.
anxiety & depression. was this obvious?

for ~tubefed's competition.
prompt was "it's barely summer / but i've forgotten how to breathe". not sure why i took quite an uncalled for approach.
i am exhausted.

full title: things i didn't tell my therapist: my body's slave is my mind.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconberriesare:
BerriesAre Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
this one spoke to me. i've never seen anyone accurately put into words how anxiety feels. love your works :heart:
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thank you. anxiety is a bitch & i hope you're well. :heart:
Reply
:iconphantomtigers:
Phantomtigers Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I second what this wonderful person said :D this poem is an amazing description of anxiety and the ending definitely packs a punch.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 12, 2014   Writer
You pretty much write my feelings, I've found. Hello similar soul, how are you today? Funny enough, I feel like my body is my mind's slave instead. But my mind is always doing silly things without my permission, so.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
ahh, i was actually tossing up between "my body's slave is my mind" & "my mind's slave is my body" & only went with the former because i thought it kind of described the poem/anxiety/depression better, but i dunno. you make a very good point; i completely understand.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 18, 2014   Writer
I agree with your choice. It makes the sentiment clearer in terms of the verbiage. And I agree that it encapsulates that feeling more too. Either would have worked fine but for this poem I think what you chose was better. I was just commenting with that because I have issues haha.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
haha i appreciate the comment!
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 21, 2014   Writer
Of course!
Reply
:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014
I'm generally not a fan of rhyming, but I love the way you handled it. It's not juvenile or in-your-face, it's subtle, yet very evident. I also really like your line breaks, where you placed them, and the images are absolutely superb. Lovely poem. :heart:  
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thank you very much. :heart::heart::heart:
Reply
:iconianderickson:
ianderickson Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like your poetry voice.   Keep it up!
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
thanks. :)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This really was quite an amazing read. I personally like meter over free verse (if handled properly which is very rare) but at times if the emotions and other techniques of poetry are apparent, I enjoy a lot! There was a lot of alliteration and the flow was good - the starting stanza was the best portion:

" i fall in love with strangers
before they even speak."

The ending stanza felt comparatively weak but the last two lines were good enough :)

And anxiety and confusion are more of the words that I would say were obvious... An over all amazing work!
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thank you very much for the feedback & kind words!
ah, i'm glad you understood the "i fall in love with strangers / before they even speak" lines.
just a quick question: what gave off the 'confusion' feel?
again, thanks so much & for the favourite. :)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You are very welcome. Let me explain how I reached the conclusion of "confusion". It might not make much sense but I will try:

"but i've forgotten how to breathe; "

" it's like i'm
entangled"

" All the questions that are caught
between threads of my insecurities,"

Expressions like these strewn about made that perspective 'apparent'. The first example can be attributed by only anxiety as well but I feel confusion further amplifies insecurity. The second statement is an 'example'... 'its like..." but it also hints to me that the person is themselves not sure about what they feel.

Lastly, "All the questions that are caught..." makes it as if there are questions unanswered. That coupled with "threads of insecurity" hint to confusion again.

That is how I feel it.

You are welcome again!
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
ahh, i see. thank you very much!
funny thing, i only recently added the words "it's like i'm" to that verse, & only because i thought it made it flow better if it was spoken out loud. now i'm not so sure, haha.
thank you. :heart:
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You are very welcome and I wonder if in the first version I read the words were there or not - however I have little way of confirming that ^^; I won't say it is bad - the flow might have worked better!
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014
They probably were, not to worry!
Your feedback is greatly appreciated. :)
Reply
:iconprettyflour:
prettyflour Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This has been featured in :iconpoeticalcondition:


:)
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is an incredible piece, with some very beautiful lines that capture the reader instantly. I also love the rhymes throughout the piece, especially in the very last stanza. It just ends so perfectly, not only with a rhyme, but an image (although, throughout the whole piece the imagery is astounding). 

I have so many favourite lines in this piece:

"i fall in love with strangers
before they even speak."

and

"like a fly trapped in a spider's web"

and

"i watch the moon
trade places with the sun"

Beautiful, just beautiful. :heart:
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014
thank you for the feedback, it means a lot. :heart::heart:
Reply
:iconjmckay333:
jmckay333 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013
divine supreme Isis
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
sure. thanks?
Reply
:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Student Writer
You are featured here: ashwazhere-skw-agc.deviantart.… :heart:
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
you're lovely. :heart:
Reply
:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Student Writer

Haha :hug:

It's a beautiful poem. Deserves the feature.

Reply
:iconsolidmars:
SolidMars Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
hi there,
your lovely work  has been featured here: Weekly Feature
:heart: 
congrats on winning the contest :clap: 
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconsolidmars:
SolidMars Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :huggle:
Reply
:iconsciencevsart:
sciencevsart Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very visual, very suffocating in the second stanza.

"Tightening its grip / with everyone seeing / me choking"

Oh, my lungs.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
i'm glad you appreciate it. thank you for the favourite. :)
congrats on second place! :heart:
Reply
:iconsciencevsart:
sciencevsart Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh, thank you!pikachu Rup cheeks plz 
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconravingroshie:
ravingroshie Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Love this, and I love the ending :) wonderful
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013
thank you. :)
Reply
:iconrainbowsparklebitch:
RainbowSparkleBitch Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I had to comment, it's just so beautifully written, so sad, so true. I read it aloud as you suggested and I agree that it really makes the impact of the words stick, keep writing, you're just so good at it.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013
wow, thank you so much for the amazing compliment! i'm glad you read it out loud & felt it had more of an impact. :) & thanks for the favourite!
i can't thank you enough for your kind words. :heart:
Reply
:iconrainbowsparklebitch:
RainbowSparkleBitch Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No thanks needed, it was beautiful :) <3
Reply
:iconevilscarrlett:
EvilScarrlett Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wonderful! I feel it all - loving first and last stanzas most...
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013
thank you very much. :heart:
the first stanza is what i like most as well. :)
Reply
:iconevilscarrlett:
EvilScarrlett Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome Hug 
Reply
:iconmichel-le-fou:
Michel-le-fou Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Professional Writer
Good technique in this.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013
thank you, & for the favourite.
Reply
:iconmendedpixie:
Mendedpixie Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This is incredible. I understand this completely. And I absolutely LOVE the first stanza. Wonderful.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013
thank you very much! i was worried the first stanza would appear too random but it made sense to me, & i'm glad it made sense to you as well. :)
thanks again for the positive feedback, & for the favourite. :heart:
Reply
:iconmendedpixie:
Mendedpixie Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
You are most welcome! <3
Reply
:iconnessima-beaumont:
Nessima-Beaumont Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is really good- i liked the way it flowed the last stanza is my most loved part
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
setmyworldintomotion Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013
thanks so much! :hug:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconsetmyworldintomotion: More from setmyworldintomotion


Featured in Collections

literature and anime stuffs by crooked-clockwork

Literature by WantsToLoseHerMask


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
October 6, 2013
File Size
1.1 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,076
Favourites
68 (who?)
Comments
53

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×