life(less).

the poison escapes
& the saturation
of oxygen
takes my blood's shape,
restoring life occupied
by a miscalculated mistake.

electrolytes & adrenaline
intravenously dripped & injected
are replacing what i
voluntarily rejected
at speeds that question
if angels roam the earth.
they're waiting for a confession,
probably an apology or two,
now that they think that
they're reducing the hurt.

poised on the couch
& my mind is working against
the interrogation.
time makes a fool of them
& the silence is better
as a teacher
than any explanation.

"it's always been this way,"
i manage to stammer,
"for as long as i
can possibly remember."
that doesn't satisfy
the minutes it's costing
& who can afford this
but i think i'm paying
with my sanity, dignity,
civility, fragility,
& all that's aching.

but what if
i had pushed a little deeper
climbed a little steeper
tried a little more
to finish what i began -
would i still be stripped bare
& forced to cave in
to their demands?

i've grown weary of
right & wrong &
as much as i'd like the strength,
why would you like me to
hold on?