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Submitted on
October 21, 2013
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a few excessive kilograms
adorn my body,
stubborn in their departure:
like an uninvited guest
too dense to perceive
the subtle hints i leave
on my skin;
not feeling as blessed as i
could have been
if i were
thin.
if i am too much
then why do i feel like
i am not enough

for the starved society
that eats away at my insides
& feeds me
empty, palatable lies,
(a fabricated portrayal of reality's demise)
leaving me wishing
that each bittersweet tear i cry
is enough to rid my body,
my healthy home,
of excess salt
all through my eyes;

not realising that the number
beneath my feet
does little to measure
each person who feeds
off of my kindness, my sincerity,
that each time i bleed
myself away
in a well fed wish
to vanish,
i'm just another one of society's prey
losing themselves
to what they weigh.
i'm currently the appropriate weight for my height & content enough with my body, but it hasn't always been this way & i definitely haven't always been this way.
whilst this barely scratches the surface of my opinions of society's skewed views of beauty, it's a good start as any.

do you find it awkward that the entire poem is basically two (long) sentences? editing suggestions?
line breaks make sense if read aloud, although i'm pretty sure i screwed it up. contemplating changing it around so it's third-person & then saying this at an open mic night, just because. /:
written in first person to satisfy the title.

for GuinevereToGwen's anagram contest. my first name, shivani, results in a perfect anagram of "i vanish".
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-08-03
i vanish. by setmyworldintomotion ( Suggested by imaginative-lioness and Featured by GrimFace242 )
:iconianderickson:
the line that struck me was "not realizing that the number
beneath my feet
does little to measure
each person who feeds
off of my kindness, my sincerity,
that each time i bleed
myself away"
I gave 5 stars for impact because I can totally relate
I understand it was free verse so Technique wasn't an issue.
The vision you wanted to come across I think you did a fine job of.
You rarely hear poems on this subject hence the 5 star originality rating.
Overall its a really good piece and you should be proud of who you are and not what some number says you are. You are a beautiful gift from the Guy above and He's imbued in you talent. Talent that you can use to make it in this messy world.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
29 out of 30 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconwindowseat-rain:
This really means a lot to me and many other girls (especially teenage ones) who do not feel quite content with their weight.
As someone else mentioned this subject, although it is an important and potentially fatal when practiced, isn't mentioned or talked about very often. I was impacted greatly by the lines:

'not feeling as blessed as i
could have been
if i were
thin.
if i a too much
then why do i feel like
i am not enough'

It really effected me, because I can relate so much.
I would have appreciated some capitals for the i's, but apart from that I found that it flowed nicely and smoothly.
It really is a beautiful piece, very relatable and well written.
You deserve the Daily Devianation.
Thankyou.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconxxflamefrost101xx:
XxFlameFrost101xX Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so clever :) 
i love that it's an anagram of your name 
Reply
:iconcristinewakesuphappy:
cristinewakesuphappy Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconcongratsdd1plz::iconcongratsdd2plz::iconcongratsdd3plz:
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Seen many on this subject. I like the unique angle and wordplay
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:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thanks so much!
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014  Student Writer
I totally remember this piece from my contest! Truly an excellent poem. :) Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you! :) :heart:
Reply
:iconkilkegard:
kilkegard Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014
Very moving, very relevant, well done.  Congrats on the DD!   :) (Smile) 
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Cheers! :)
Reply
:iconfameisdead:
Fameisdead Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazing, congrats on the DD :3
Reply
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