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a few excessive kilograms
adorn my body,
stubborn in their departure:
like an uninvited guest
too dense to perceive
the subtle hints i leave
on my skin;
not feeling as blessed as i
could have been
if i were
thin.
if i am too much
then why do i feel like
i am not enough

for the starved society
that eats away at my insides
& feeds me
empty, palatable lies,
(a fabricated portrayal of reality's demise)
leaving me wishing
that each bittersweet tear i cry
is enough to rid my body,
my healthy home,
of excess salt
all through my eyes;

not realising that the number
beneath my feet
does little to measure
each person who feeds
off of my kindness, my sincerity,
that each time i bleed
myself away
in a well fed wish
to vanish,
i'm just another one of society's prey
losing themselves
to what they weigh.
i'm currently the appropriate weight for my height & content enough with my body, but it hasn't always been this way & i definitely haven't always been this way.
whilst this barely scratches the surface of my opinions of society's skewed views of beauty, it's a good start as any.

do you find it awkward that the entire poem is basically two (long) sentences? editing suggestions?
line breaks make sense if read aloud, although i'm pretty sure i screwed it up. contemplating changing it around so it's third-person & then saying this at an open mic night, just because. /:
written in first person to satisfy the title.

for GuinevereToGwen's anagram contest. my first name, shivani, results in a perfect anagram of "i vanish".
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-08-03
i vanish. by setmyworldintomotion ( Suggested by imaginative-lioness and Featured by inknalcohol )
:iconianderickson:
the line that struck me was "not realizing that the number
beneath my feet
does little to measure
each person who feeds
off of my kindness, my sincerity,
that each time i bleed
myself away"
I gave 5 stars for impact because I can totally relate
I understand it was free verse so Technique wasn't an issue.
The vision you wanted to come across I think you did a fine job of.
You rarely hear poems on this subject hence the 5 star originality rating.
Overall its a really good piece and you should be proud of who you are and not what some number says you are. You are a beautiful gift from the Guy above and He's imbued in you talent. Talent that you can use to make it in this messy world.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
30 out of 31 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconwindowseat-rain:
This really means a lot to me and many other girls (especially teenage ones) who do not feel quite content with their weight.
As someone else mentioned this subject, although it is an important and potentially fatal when practiced, isn't mentioned or talked about very often. I was impacted greatly by the lines:

'not feeling as blessed as i
could have been
if i were
thin.
if i a too much
then why do i feel like
i am not enough'

It really effected me, because I can relate so much.
I would have appreciated some capitals for the i's, but apart from that I found that it flowed nicely and smoothly.
It really is a beautiful piece, very relatable and well written.
You deserve the Daily Devianation.
Thankyou.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconxxflamefrost101xx:
XxFlameFrost101xX Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so clever :) 
i love that it's an anagram of your name 
Reply
:iconcristinewakesuphappy:
cristinewakesuphappy Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconcongratsdd1plz::iconcongratsdd2plz::iconcongratsdd3plz:
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Seen many on this subject. I like the unique angle and wordplay
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thanks so much!
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014  Student Writer
I totally remember this piece from my contest! Truly an excellent poem. :) Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you! :) :heart:
Reply
:iconkilkegard:
kilkegard Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014
Very moving, very relevant, well done.  Congrats on the DD!   :) (Smile) 
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Cheers! :)
Reply
:iconfameisdead:
Fameisdead Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazing, congrats on the DD :3
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thanks so much. <3
Reply
:iconfameisdead:
Fameisdead Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome :3
Reply
:iconalwaysraincheck:
AlwaysRainCheck Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Student General Artist
Congratulations, dear :heart:
Can't believe it took so long for this to get a DD, it really is a great piece of writing.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconalwaysraincheck:
AlwaysRainCheck Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Student General Artist
My pleasure. :heart: 
Reply
:icontd-vice:
TD-Vice Featured By Owner Edited Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
free verse combined with sheltered teenapers that in absence of problems CREATE them for themselves to bemoan, was the thing that set the last nail into the coffin of poetry worldwide.

I dunno how anyone can read this and not roar with laughter. It's all the cliches rolled in one - SELF-MUTILATION, trying to justify being a fatty, CRUEL WORLD DUNT UNDERSTERND ME, BAW, EVIL SOCIETY AND EVIL STANDARDS, IM SUCH A SUFFERING, OPPRESSED LITTLE DARLING BUT BUT BUT... No need for the talent of rhythm, and rhyme, and meaning - no, just be pretentious about your absolutely irrelevant "feels".

This is an angst burrito. No wonder you're fat, author. Your diet must be made up of those.
Reply
:iconbandwithnoname:
BandWithNoName Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
For someone who thinks critique is very 'lacking' nowadays and feel like they need to be constructive, but also helpful, you sure have surpassed yourself. Why would you belittle someone for writing down their feelings? 'Sometimes, the feedback is outright garbage. You wouldn't eat garbage, right?' Sound familiar?
Reply
:icontd-vice:
TD-Vice Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Im not critiquing here, tho. IM EXPRESSING MY FEELS OK? FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS.
Reply
:iconbandwithnoname:
BandWithNoName Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
And the writer is too! 
Reply
:iconcopper9lives:
copper9lives Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Professional General Artist
The subject matter is utterly relevant... but the CRAFT of the work is magnificent.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Wow, thank you. <3
Reply
:iconcopper9lives:
copper9lives Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Professional General Artist
:worship:
Reply
:iconmiistical:
Miistical Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Student Writer
I had to read this over and over again, it is truly spine-tingling.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you so much for your support. <3
Reply
:iconm4geofsp4ce:
M4geOfSp4ce Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing!
Reply
:iconharrysaxon1234:
HarrySaxon1234 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You don't have to have curves
You don't need makeup
You don't need perfect hair
You don't need big breasts
You don't need to be sassy
You don't need to be perfect
You don't need to be flawless

You're beautiful as you are

You don't need to change
You shouldn't ever do so
You don't need to be honest
I know when you lie
You don't need to fully understand me
I don't understand myself
You don't need to fit in
I like unique people

You're wonderful when you're weird

You don't need to punch hard
Why would you?
You don't need to be emotionless
I hate people like that
You don't have to always win
You learn from your mistakes
You don't have to fix everything
No one can do that

You are perfect in your own way.
Reply
:icontransparent-soul:
transparent-soul Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014
Powerful.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you. <3
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Flagged as Spam
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconmagpie-poet:
magpie-poet Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014
It's beautiful. I think the pace suits the topic. Too smooth and glossy would feel like the fake beauty standards themselves. (And been there, still there most days.)
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you! I never really thought about it like that; thanks.
Reply
:iconkmaximum:
Kmaximum Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014
Amazing.

Most work on this subject matter tends to be little more than another form of self harm, but you've created an insightful and objective commentary, which still manages to be raw and honest.
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you so much. :heart::heart:
Reply
:iconphantomtigers:
Phantomtigers Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
this is amazing :heart: definitely a message I wish more people would hear
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you very much. <3
Reply
:iconagonizingswordfish:
AgonizingSwordfish Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Congrats on the Daily Deviation! Heart 
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thanks!
Reply
:iconagonizingswordfish:
AgonizingSwordfish Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:icongcarolineu1013:
gcarolineu1013 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
this is beautiful. I cannot imagine the pain and tourment girls(and boys) go through when they are measuring themselves based on the numbers of a scale. You are very blessed with the talent for writing!Danisnotonfire: FEELS Danisnotonfire: FEELS 
Reply
:iconcanis44:
Canis44 Featured By Owner Edited Aug 3, 2014  Student Writer
Conversely, I once wrote about anorexia. Years ago I fell in love with a girl who (at that time) was probably at the onset of anorexia.

Tacking on WingsTacking on wings
Tacking on wings,
slowly into shoulder
blades made gaunt, it’s
your suffering jaunt beneath
flesh; your eyes dart away.  
Along the lines of
whittled down youths,
along the lines of broken
glass slippers,reality,
tracks you down. You save
face like all the others.
Cicero said,“Cibi condimentum
esse famem, potionis sitim.”

Yet, you do not care,
for any philosophy
that has not come
from gaunt “goddesses”
butchering from atop treadmills.
Dublin once rang with
"yes", out from Molly
Bloom. That Moorish wall sinks;
within your smile where
rose peddle maidens forget
sentences. When I first spoke
with you the maidens
wept from those lips,
soft fears for big words.
Any example of free
thought, you held as horrid.
‘Trends’, you said 'are so
much easier'. I wish that you
might understand me, but
it is clear that sympathy
tightens you like modern
prose, peering over the jaded
sea.  
Ribs are the forever
novel fashion t
Nymph (AIGLE)Νύμφη (Αἴγλη)                            
                         
                          I
“I hear you are sick
I miss your ravenous eyes
Why neglect your need?”

                          II
I wrote some poetry for you muse;
Famished, beautiful girl.
I repressed your private plight
For I had something in my eye.
                          III
“Aigle, your sweet dance
On the tarmac in Delphi
Was the heart of time.”

                          IV
The leviathan of panem & circenses,
Licked your ears clean; Cassandra
Fibbing in her looking glass, wanted you looking lean;
And the craked ampulla jar, received you on your knees.
                           V
“Was I deluded?
Now my sight aches at your waist
Your thighs haunt my love.”

                           VI
When we were younger, and mislaid
I never could take the words out of my chest
I never asked of you, the most important questio


From what I can tell, historically, societies have always been more concerned with body weight as an issue of aesthetics rather than health. I think what differentiates new body trends in this epoch, is that 'health' has been warped into a blanket term for 'cultural capital concerning human bodies'.

Congrats on your DD.
Reply
:iconmeiyue:
meiyue Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Student General Artist
Congratulations on the DD! :love: 

Have a nice day :iconlainloveplz:
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
Thank you, & likewise! :)
Reply
:iconronaai:
Ronaai Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Student Filmographer
I don't usually comment on poetry, but this one really stuck out for me.

As a species, we seem to forget that every person is unique, no soul is the same and in the end, even the cruellest of people tried to be kind once, but society breeds madness.

Nowadays, if you're not blonde you're not attractive, if you are blonde you're stupid or a bitch, if you're too skinny you're anorexic obsessed with image if you're overweight you're a lazy sob who only thinks of the next meal, if you're a girl who prefers a casual more masculine look, you're a lesbian, if you're a guy in girls clothes you're just out having a good time with the lads, if you dare be kind for the sake of kindness, you're naive and gullible, if you're a complete jerk, you're cool...

That's not beauty or personality that's just stereotypical thinking...

It honestly feels like people are too scared to show who they really are and just follow the "social media zombie" craze now...no two people are the same, similar interest's sure, but they will never be the same...give me originality and happiness in one's own skin above perceived perfection any day ^ ^


Lovely job at getting the message across and congrats on the DD <3
Reply
:iconbulmabriefs050401:
BulmaBriefs050401 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
(0O0 MY GOD. You just clearly defined everything I was going to say! Awesome job. Just...exactly what goes on in my school, I swear XD)
Reply
:iconravean:
Ravean Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014
I wish everyone felt this way. Of course we should all strive to be healthy, but its sad to think how much we measure a person by what they weigh, how they look, etc.
Reply
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